10 Occasions When Kissing Is Not Appropriate
by Werewolves-Oh-My
Summary: It is pivotal that Mssr Sirius Black learns the contents of this list; any attempt to ignore, destroy, manipulate or alter the contents of the following guidelines will result in the withholding of sexual activities for involved parties. RLSB


It was nearing the end of Breakfast at Hogwarts castle; the final few students were filing into the hall, grabbing whatever was left of the magnificent feast and eating quickly with only a few minutes left before lessons began. The post was due any moment; student and teachers alike sat waiting anxiously for their parcels, newspapers and letters to arrive, signalling the start of the day.

Amongst the griffindor table, talk of the previous day's quidditch victory was hot on everybody's tongues, with the table's central occupants, the Marauders (minus Remus Lupin, who was assumingly studying for the fast approaching Charms test) joining in thoroughly. Finally, the owls arrived, letters dropping left, right and centre.

Tucking into his breakfast, Sirius watched the owls circle their respective tables, surprised when one of the generic, Hogwarts owls dropped a small scroll in front of him into his bacon and eggs. Looking left and right suspiciously, hoping that this wasn't the revenge of some upset prank victim, he unravelled the scroll, surprised by its contents.

* * *

**FAO Mssr Sirius Black**

**10 Occasions When Kissing Is Not Appropriate**

_--It is pivotal that one Mssr Sirius Black learns and memorises the contents of this list; any attempt to ignore, destroy, manipulate or alter the contents of the following guidelines will result in the withholding of sexual activities for involved parties. The word 'Kissing' can be replaced within the title by any of the following; canoodling, smooching, sexual encounters of any kind including copulation and use of hands/mouth/feet/elbows, spooning. Therefore, it would be in the best interests of all involved for this list to be adhered to. _

_To reiterate; all of the occasions listed below should not be deemed appropriate for intimacies of any sort.  
_

**1**. When McGonnagal is attempting to tell you off for not paying attention to what she's saying.

**2**. After hearing that Snape is homophobic, just to see if he would run away screaming like a little girl.

**3**. Whilst running away from Filch at top notch speed - kissing whilst running is both difficult and dangerous.

**4**. When someone is telling you off; it is highly rude and ineffectual to kiss them in order to shut them up.

**5**. During a Quidditch Match, when one's attention should be solely focused on the important and risky task at hand, flying.

**6**. In front of Peter, with the sole intention of making the poor boy squirm.

**7**. During someone else's wedding, so that people once again pay attention to the most egotistical person in the room; you.

**8**. Whilst your owl is watching. It feels rather perverse.

**9**. At night, waking your partner when the entire bloody school is asleep and its freezing cold so you can kiss on the roof, then forgetting the key and getting trapped there till morning.

**10**. Whenever I'm not around. Because that would mean you're not kissing me and that is banned on all occasions.

_Thank you for your co-operation._

_Remus Lupin_

* * *

Sirius looked up from the letter, amused by its contents, before his eyes scanned the dining room, looking for his boyfriend, the letter's scribe. Spotting him sat opposite Lily, the pair reading some sort of text book, he grinned, catching Remus' eyes. Remus grinned back, raising his glass in a mock toast, prompting Sirius to do the same before he gulped his pumpkin juice down and stood up, walking to where Remus sat.

Pulling the werewolf to his feet and away from the bench, Sirius held him close, pressing him flat against his body. The occupants of the great hall stared; rumours had long circulated about a relationship between two of the marauders, but this was the first time many of them had seen evidence of a relationship. Remus hissed 'What are you doing' before his lips were silenced by those of Sirius Black, pressed tightly against his own. The great hall broke out in whispers,

"You didn't say anything about kissing in the great hall." Sirius grinned smugly, still holding his werewolf tightly around the shoulders.

"No, but now Snape is running away screaming and Peter is squirming and owls are watching and-" Remus was cut off, Sirius' lips once more silencing him, working their magic and melting his anger away. "And that was you silencing me with a kiss to stop me telling you off." Remus whispered once he had pulled away, glaring at Sirius in annoyance.

"Well, I do enjoy breaking rules." Sirius grinned, holding the letter aloft in one hand whilst holding Remus close with the other. "And it looks to me as if I have the perfect 'to do' list right now, though number 10 will be considerably less pleasurable, I must say."

"Did you not read the consequences if any of the guidelines were not adhered to?" Remus grinned back, sliding his hand down Sirius' front subtly. "I'm sure that it would be very disappointing to a certain someone if he was not seen to regularly." Remus whispered, accenting his words with a soft squeeze, getting a groan from his partner.

"As if you could ever withhold anything from me, Lupin." Sirius whispered back, eyes alight with amusement and passion. He leant in, hoping for another kiss, when the opening and slamming of a door caught his attention.

"BLACK!" Filch growled as he hopped amusingly into the Great Hall through the door behind the teacher's table, pointing one cragged finger towards the aristocratic youth. "Don't think I don't know who laced the third floor corridor with jumping powder!" He gnarled, moving towards the pair like an ungraceful kangaroo. "I'll have your guts for garters!"

"Well, if this isn't the perfect opportunity to attempt number 3 on my to do list, I don't know what is!" Sirius exclaimed, grabbing Remus' hand and pulling him towards the large doors. "Here, Filchy Filchy!"

* * *

**Hey hey! I hope you enjoy this little nugget, I haven't written a 'list story' since I finished my most popular story to date, so I figured I'd give it another go! R&R, your words are like little chunks of heaven raining down on my beleaguered soul, encased within a world of Remus/Sirius stories...**


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